AFA Squad Pen Portraits

D Ashley - 32 - GK.  Much criticised for his off season move from the Norsemen he has answered his critics with a series of unclaimed crosses and Waddle'esque penalties.
A consistent performer and provider of travel and urgent SAL result updates, Dan is always in the thick of the action of which 90% is purely verbal.  Rep Team.
         
M Negus – 28 - RB RM LM CM FW.  Utility by name tramp by nature this small but beautiful man has a Walcott turn of pace and a Messi deft of touch.  At 28 years old Mat is a prime example of what you can achieve by training hard week in and week out.  An integral part of the impenetrable duo that is Necliffe.

B Hickes – 23 - RB.  Strong and silent (just ask his girlfriend) Ben is the newest member of the team.  As comfortable going forward as he is pirouetting in his own penalty box, danger and a sense of urgency matter not in his pursuit for what the Dutch call 'Sexy Football'.  For Sure.

D Marsland – 29 - RB CB.  Danny completes the trio of outstanding right backs at Nottsboroughs' disposal.  Our resident Dr often shares with us moments from his botched operations to keep us entertained.  Despite the subtle afro kink in his hair he can (when wind assisted) head the ball with laser-like precision.

M Rolfe – 32 - CB.  This privately educated and strawberry-blonde lothario is at the very heartbeat of the teams success.  Despite losing out on the captaincy in a rumoured best of 3 arm wrestle battle he has delivered a consistency of performance that belies his flamingo like legs and b'r'oarding school shoulders.

A Sutcliffe – 25 - CB.  Born with a head made of granite Arren was always well suited to the uncompromising centre half role.  Despite having to travel the length and breadth of the country to get to games Suttout / Necliff can still muster enough energy to perform a Violet’esque step over / Cryff turn that is yet to deceive any opponent. Interestingly, he uses a different mode of transport to travel to each game.

D Howson – 27 - LB CM.  Without doubt the nicest man in football, and the most sensitive.  His early season disappointment of being eased into the left back slot was only matched by the squads disappointment of his pre-match music selection.  Dave's dress sense is as erratic as his channel ball.  Another regular on the Rep Team scene.

M Kerr – 32 - CM.  Only weeks into fatherhood our Skipper still somehow finds enough energy to complete the warm-up, give the team-talk and argue with his brother.  Not much is left in reserve for the game but as a holding midfielder who needs it!  Always scores courtesy of a ricochet or two.  Rep Team.

C Kerr – 33 - CM.  Chris's wasp-like energy and thinning hair make him our very own Stanley Matthews, although since converting to centre midfield some marbles have been dislodged.  Sporadic cries of '5 minutes to score' is proof in the pudding that age is no barrier to success, only wisdom. Rep Team.

N Violet - 29 - LM.  Holder of the current world record for the slowest step-over in the modern amateur game Nathan still manages to wriggle his bony hips past opposing defenders at will.  A classic winger, in every sense, hugs the touchline, avoids tackles like the plague and only scores when his mishit crosses deceive the goalie.  Rep Team.

N Green – 26 - RM.  When he's not off filming a new edition of Ski Sunday Nick has perfected his scurrying technique.  He employs this to marvellous effect as he ferrets up an down the touchline like a ginger Tasmanian devil.  Great personality (no girlfriend) and avid puffa jacket collector in his spare time.

A Ewin – 27 - FW.  Sutton's favourite son and Nottsborough's top marksman, Alex owes as much to the ineptitude of the opponents goalkeepers as he does his anvil right foot.  If he could score the easy goals he would border on prolific but with no linesman leading the line is a doddle.  Keep doddling.

B Hughes - 23 - FW.  Like a young buck Ben is coming into form at the right time and is the only person brave enough to wear Arnold Palmers old golf shoes out in public.  His identikit haircut and Top of the Pops fashion sense have earned him a host of admirers, all male but beggars..... you know the rest.