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Old Owens 0 Nottsborough 2 5th March 2011
A Mat Nimmo wonder goal stole the show as Nottsborough edged out title rivals Old Owens at Potters Bar on Saturday.
With Notts seeking to extend their lead at the top and Owens looking to reel them in with games in hand, it was always likely such a close and important game would be decided by a moment of brilliance.
And that moment duly arrived midway through the first half when Nimmo took off (somehow without his Biggles jacket - don't ask how) and dispatched an unstoppable overhead kick from Johnny Briggs' corner.
The Owens players looked on in amazement. The Nottsborough players celebrated like a bunch of girls who've just won a walk-in wardrobe full of shoes. And Dave and Barbara watched on in realisation that at that precise moment in time they were probably the proudest parents in Scunthorpe.
Nottsborough had earlier taken the lead when Rich Pilcher lost his man to head home another inviting Briggs set-piece as the Owens defence continued to look about as comfortable with crosses as Dracula. Ben Hughes then had the chance to make it three just before half-time after yet another cross caused panic, but saw his effort gratefully held by the Owens keeper.
It wasn't one-way traffic for Notts as Owens continued to match them for large spells of the game. However they found goalkeeper Tom White and his back line in fine form and for all their good passing they were unable to fashion many clear cut chances.
Notts continued to put together some flowing moves and soon after the restart Ben Hughes thought he had extended the lead, only to see his shot cannon against the inside of the post, roll along the line and be hooked away from danger.
Minutes later the move of the match saw Pilcher and Nick Green exchange passes before releasing Ben Hughes down the right whose teasing cross was met by the onrushing Pete Morris and somehow tipped up and over the bar by the sprawling keeper. The referee commented it was reminiscent of Gordon Banks and Pele, but failed to clarify if he was referring to the keeper's save or Morris' erectile problems...
As the game grew more stretched and Notts began to tire after three weeks without a game, Owens looked to stage a comeback. However, White and his defence were in decisive form and stood firm to everything that came their way.
With minutes to go a loose ball broke in the box to an Owens player who looked certain to score and set up a tense finale. But White produced a fantastic last-ditch save to deny him from point blank range before Dean Mitic removed the danger.
A fantastic performance by Nottsborough that sets them up nicely for next week's Kent/Surrey Cup semi-final at Dorkinians. The pre-match talk of individual battles clearly worked as every player was on their game, but man of the match has to go Mat Nimmo. Solid as a rock at the back and a goal worthy of winning any game.
Q: What football phenomenon sends controlled men into a frenzy of uncontrollable emotional hysteria once every four years?
A: No, not the World Cup. A Mat Nimmo goal.
Seriously I should write jokes for Christmas crackers...
EBOG 1 Nottsborough 6 Saturday 29th January 2011
Team - Whitey, Lea, Nimmo, Mitic, Morris, Liam Mc, Green (M), Green (N (c)), Rich P, Jo(k)e Holden, Ben Hughes sub - Spenno
The clap clinic, having your dog put down, EBOG away - all brutal but necessary journeys in life. One of the best post match spreads around (the free tea and burger puts it no 4 in Ted Datta's 'Jew about Town - London's Top 10 Afternoons') invariably follows a hard game, as the EBOG boys defend their patch admirably.
And this game had all the hallmarks of a textbook 2's trip to EBOG - long trip, tough pitch, a visibly shaking Matt Nimmo....
Now to say Matt Nimmo plays well at this ground is like saying Mahatma Gandhi was a tubby brawler. Various crucifixes line the touchline to mark past performances. Locals often report a remarkably dressed individual - possibly a stranded world war 2 fighter pilot - mournfully pacing the touchlines at dawn, trying desperately to clip that elusive channel ball, only stopping to scream obscenties at the sky as tears pour from his dead eyes.
I exaggerate of course. Nimmo's tear ducts died with the rest of his eyes long ago.
But would this game follow the usual pattern? Would the home team give us another gruelling 90 minutes? Would 10 men be wrestling a noose from Matt's hands come full time? Thankfully, no.
2011 had started slowly for the 2's, but the previous week's 4-0 away win had real quality about it. Despite having to draft 2 debutants into a 12 man squad, the quality remained for this fixture. The game started at a good pace with both teams trying to play football on a difficult surface. However it was the away team who looked more complete - solid at the back, energetic in midfield and threatening up front - and the lead, when it came, had a certain inevitability to it, albeit aided by a slice of fortune. A speculative and seemingly straightforward long ball from Matt Green somehow outfoxed the right back who allowed he's-what's-wrong-with-this government banker Ben Hughes to zip in, lob the keeper and momentarily take his mind off his thai whore addiction. 1-0 on 20 minutes.
The second came before half time and it was another lavish strike by oversexed money fox Ben Hughes. A move of genuine class saw hughes exchange passes with Rich P on the edge of the area before curling the ball exquisitely past the keeper. Great goal and a 2-0 lead at half time - hook, line and one in the stinker.
Now, there are 2 key stories to emerge from the second half. One a heart warming tale of a ginger people triumphing against all odds, the second a stark warning of how greed, wealth, and nipple abuse destroys young talent.
I first encountered Joe Holden 7 years ago. The bright young undergrad frankly dazzled me with his ability, athleticism, and chuckle brother northern charm. To witness the corrupted, decrepit shell of a man heaving his way around the pitch on saturday brought a tear to even my eye. The first of Joe's 1 on 1's reminded me of the fair ground attraction where you run to strained stand-still, face alight with moronic glee, waiting for the bungee rope on your back to whip you flying back from where you came. The biggest shock when Joe's slow motion run ended with a limp effort on goal was that he wasn't catapulted backwards on an elasticated chord - he merely collapsed to the floor gasping for a £50 note to mop his brow.
The second 1 on 1 was arguably more pathetic. Everyone looked for the sniper in the bushes but no, Joe really has ended up in this state. As an appalling weak shot barely crept over the by-line, Joe crashed to the ground again, his meaty nipples hitting the ground with a thud. Just as Briggsy was instructing a grizzled old farmer to take Joe out the back and shoot him though, he won his reprieve. Going through a inexplicably disorganised defence again Joe was clear and shifting the ball on to his left. As again he struggled for breath and balance no one - absolutely no one - would have back him to score. It may have been a wild leg flung out to stabilise himself, or it may even have been deliberate, but the ball squirted from his left foot beating a keeper who no doubt realised instantly that this moment was a career low. 3-0. But no one close to Joe was celebrating.*
But out of this twisted, festering spectacle emerged a ray of ginger light to warm the stoniest of hearts. Crippled by ginger, brothers Nick and Matt Green haven't had it easy in life. Watched by proud, yet slightly embarrassed father Chris, the two created a real moment of magic..
Matt often drinks to combat his afflictions. To quizzical looks he usually pants '8 pints' to explain why he's bent double on the pitch. But in spite of himself he produced true beauty to create goal for his angry impatient brother Nick. Receiving the ball right in the corner of the pitch Matt embarked on a mazy dribble that would have left, had he been watching, Maradona himself mildly impressed - mildly impressed yet, ultimately, very annoyed he is in Barnet on a dreary saturday afternoon watching a poor standard of amateur football.
I can't remember exactly what it entailed, and more importantly can't be bothered to find out, but it probably involved a nutmeg and some good skills - either way it was a good run that put our unlikely hero Matt deep inside the opposition penalty box. From here he pulled the ball back delightfully for Nick Green to lash in a well struck volley. Cue a weird moment of briggsy going to jump on the watching father to celebrate, only to pull out at the last minute to complete a sort of rain-dance style jump/fit in front of a bemused and unresponsive Chris Green. 4-0.
This report has gone on long enough but there are a couple of second half subplots to mention including - a remarkable cross 'left' by Whitey only for it to fly into the goal (4-1), 2 more fine finishes by sleaze peddling wealth trafficker Ben Hughes (5-1, 6-1), and some bizarre defending by Pete Morris who failed to come to terms with a corner of the pitch that resembled a battlefield.
Good performances all round but special mentions to the Greens who provided quality in possession, Rich P who dominated the centre of the park, Liam for an excellent debut as a defensive midfielder, Nimmo for actually playing very well both in defense and going forward... but MoM has to go to Ben Hughes whose finishing on the day was excellent on a difficult pitch. Well done Ben.
Alleyn Old Boys 0 Nottsborough 4 22nd January 2011
Nottsborough 2’s arrived in Dulwich on the back of a less than scintillating start to 2011. An AFA cup exit & a scrappy 3-2 win in the Surrey & kent intermediate cup the previous week had the 2’s still to rediscover their pre X-mas Turkey form.
This weeks usual squad merry-go-round saw out Captain Briggs - nursing a vulture sprain, Holden – Yachting, Green Jnr – Scandi fetish but was “boosted” by the return of the two Cronnies (Hughes & Nimmo) from their winter training camp in Thailand, Grove from suspension & a very welcome return from perennial octogenarian Simon Wabb. Longer term injury absentees of Ledger, Mitic & Bowman meant Pilcher was called upon to complete a bare 11 plus Nimmo setup
The pre game talk & warm up was as ever cliché rich; interspersed with tales of cultural learning’s from Hughes – what was your worst? Leah used the Briggs free platform to set out the story board of the season so far but Nimmo’s new powerful physique remained the main topic of pre match ‘conversation’.
The game kicked off at a frantic pace as both teams struggled to settle into any rhythm. Alleyn’s providing combative resistance as they had in holding notts to a home draw before X-mas. The pitch was very heavy & started to cut up in the middle almost immediately which meant getting the ball down & playing to Notts strengths down the wings & channels took a little while in coming.
After around 20 minutes of forgetfullfootball (obv one word) Notts finally got the ball down & played, webb settling back into a left back role found some space, playing it up towards Hughes & Green who worked it out to Ross to run in behind their right back. His fizzing cross could only be parried by the Alleyn no 1 under pressure from Rich, with the ball falling out to the onrushing Green who managed to lob the ball over the crowded box but unfortunately also 2 meters wide of the goal. This was a sign of things to come however as the opening goal was plundered from Nott’s next meaningful attack. Morris won a free kick in midfield and played a quick ball into Ross who had drifted in from the left hand side, his instant control, and slide rule ball found Hughes in stride beyond their back line, cool first time finish, 1-0.
Alleyns came back strongly & a mixture of timely interventions from Richardson, Grove, Lea & webb at the back & good fortune kept them from troubling White into any more pressing action than ball retrieval. Against the run of play Notts 2nd goal came at a perfect time. A sweeping move saw Hughes again release Ross down the left who, when remembering the ball, was terrorising their right back. Another pinpoint cross this time alluded the Alleyns custodian and was met with a deft finish from Rich bursting into the box ahead of his man. Notts 2-0 up but under no illusion the game was over.
The remainder of the half reverted back to the original pattern, back four winning challenges, Collins & Morris harrowing in the middle but little composure on the ball. The main remaining ‘action’ of the half saw a nasty head injury (17 stitches, 2 cuts, who’s counting) to Notts stalwart Grove who had for the umpteenth time put is good looks on the line for the red & black. This brought Matthieu Deadeyeaux into the fray around an hour earlier than planned, but Notts regrouped & held firm until Half time.
Half time chat reasserted the clichés “next 10 mins/goal is key” plus the need to use the good areas of pitch out wide where possible & keep work rate high & more goals will come.
Indeed they did, after Notts had kept that key 10mins tight of course. Alleyns started to get frustrated with the stubborn Notts resistance & were giving the ball away more frequently. The killer third goal came around the hour mark as the Alleyns back four took one risk to many; Hughes employing his trademark ‘closing down their centre half with his back turned technique’ picked off a stray ball across their box, cut inside the remaining defender and curled a fine finish into the far corner. Scoring in much tighter boxes in Thailand obviously keeps you sharp.
Notts played out the remainder of the game in more controlled fashion, there was still time for Morris, who started the best move of the match, to finish it by firing high over the crossbar from close range & the rearguard holding firm with aid of the woodwork on occasion.
The icing on Matto’s cake was smeared on with 5 minutes to go. Allyens coughing the ball up just inside the Notts half, Green picked up the loose ball & feed Hughes wide in behind the defence. Hughes took the ball towards the box cut inside and saw ¾ of UGHQ bearing down in the centre. Thankfully Green was still just in front of Dr J-Handle & SirLady having had at least a 15 metre start. Meeting Hughes’s cross with a first touch past the last covering defender the ball sat up perfectly to sky a left foot volley high & wide. Instead, much to the horror of messes Lea & Richardson, the volley nestled firmly into the bottom corner. 4-0. Job done.
Another very good away day from Notts keeps them well in hunt for the league. Owens still has plenty of games in hand but you can’t take points off the board.
MOM – A number of good performances this week; Richardson was very composed at the back, Hughes back with 2 goals but MOM this week goes to Ross Newel who was a threat all game, especially the ball delivery in the first half which set Notts on the way to victory.
Nottsborough 3 Clapham Old Xaverians 2 AFA Surrey/Kent Intermediate Cup
Saturday 15th January
With the ‘Two Cronnies’ losing their minds in Thailand on an self-indulgent sex tourism trip, and Grover haplessly sitting on a bean bag brain storming how to put off a marriage he’d already put off for 3 World Cups (aka 8 years), the 2’s were in limbo.
Who would marshall the defence? Who would score the goals and talk about himself autistically in the changing room? What would fill the silent void of a half-time team talk devoid of a barely comprehendible Scunthorpian ramble?
January is traditionally a time of implosion, and cup exits for the Relationship Vulture’s 2s. But buoyed by news that El Captaino had thrashed his way to 4 sexual encounters with his former-office mistress, and now life partner (with an almost unfathomable penchant for skin and bones) there was a sense that a shoddy, ill-fought victory could be etched out at the Village Hall of Dreams.
This belief was evident in the first 30 mins as Notts controlled the game, and deservedly went 2-0 up through two goals that were so forgettable that no-one can even remember the first. Briggs added a second from the penalty spot, and then Notts simply stopped. The defence fell over the ball, the midfield gave the ball away, the strikers missed the opportunities. Classic January Notts.
And then something very peculiar happened…from out of the shadows, came a recognisable fellow seemingly dressed mockingly in skiing attire, and a beanie hat. Who was this mysterious rambler? Who-ever this incognito figure was, he was either on an undercover mission to do a head count on which winners had gone skiing, or he was baiting the 2s into action. His ski jacket said it all – ‘Do not throw this away again’.
So that’s exactly what we tried to do. 2004 Holden controlled a ball which 2010 Holden gave away to the opposition, and suddenly the slowest player on the pitch had got past the penetrable line of defence to make it 2-1. This was harsh on Whitey who would go onto do nothing wrong all game, both kicking excellently and commanding his area throughout.
Half-time was crucial. Briggo hauled himself off to get some direction from the mysterious rambler on taking wind-assisted dead balls, and to plan a birthday party in a far-flung and largely empty Highgate pub, to be replaced by a heavily boozed and dishevelled Roberts. His message was simple: “I’ve bottled it lads…it’s up to you”.
The second half was a cocktail of battle, commitment and sporadic moments of quality.
Collins continued to maim any winger who came near him, Junior Green kept hold of the football every time he looked like he’d lose it aka every time he had it, and Morris was once again dominating the aerial battle. Lea’s angular head nodding the ball backwards to White on two occasions punctuated a circus of a performance, devoid of the traditional Notts seal of quality.
Summed up by entertaining incident rather than a Mardi Gras of football, the war of attrition came to life in the final quarter with a goal that screamed “We are so mogue”.
The ball was played across the back four, into the midfield who interchanged passes between themselves before releasing a ball that Apaloo offered himself for. Dropping his shoulder, and feigning to receive it, Apaloo’s deft run allowed Roberts to angle his run and hit the ball across the keeper to make it 3-1.
Queue more unnecessary panic. Whether this was because the mysterious rambler had teased the subs with a glimpse of his 1st team training top, or whether it was because word had got out that AWOL full back Matthieu Deadeyeaux had been water boarded back to life on a Thai side street by sex pest Hughes, the 2’s made life once again more difficult than needs be.
Ball and Simmo came on to steady a ship which was looking a little shaky.
Nick Green, who had covered as much ground as his remarkable ghetto boots would allow him throughout the afternoon, was adjudged to have cleared a ball from behind the line from an opposition corner. 3-2. Aside from being one of the most outlandish decisions ever to be made in all of Christendom, it gave Clapham hope, and they broke again as the 2s decided to go for a 4th rather than shut-up shop.
The striker got in behind Richardson, who quickly popped in a Zonal Defending DVD into a laptop he was hiding down his pants (more a miniature note book than an Apple DannyMAC) paused play, and came to the conclusion that clearly grabbing the striker’s shirt and dragging him into the box was a sound solution.
Play unpaused, Richardson delivered on his promise, their lad made too much of it, and the referee made a mental note to make up for the clanger he made earlier on. Penalty denied.
Minutes later, the final whistle went, a minor and short-lived melee ensued, and the Relationship Vulture’s Barmy Army were on their way to the cup quarter-finals.
Team: White, Collins, Lea, Richardson, Newell; Holden, Briggs, Junior Green, Morris; Apaloo, Green, Bench: Ball, Roberts, Simmo.
MoM: The mysterious rambler for reminding us not to fck it up again.
Nottsborough 6 West Wickham 0 League Saturday 11th December
Pre-Game; Pre-Kit
"How we coming with the kit lads?" John Briggs on phone to Hughesy
"Errrr, bit of trouble there Briggo old chap. I was so busy having sex with many ladies that Old Deadeyes and me are running a touch late." Ben Hughes on gold plated I Phone
"Ok mate. Can you meet Lea at Clapham? He can fit 1 human being & the kit in his car" Dr John Briggs (MD Europe) to Benjamin Hughes (Serial Winner)
"Cool. Me and the kit are sorted. Unlucky Mathieu Deadeyeaux, you're on your own." Ben Hughes to Briggo & Frank Nimrod.
"Cheers lads. This is the lowest I have ever felt. Apart from during my speech last saturday night." Matt 'Dead-Eyes' Nimmo.
"Chaps, the kit and Hughesy are on the way." Johnny Briggs. Womanizer.
Pre-Game; Kit has arrived
"Good week Briggo?" Buy one Green, get one Green free.
"Yes. I kissed a girl for 14 hours. No sex though." John Briggs. Sexual predator.
"I would have smashed her up the AH. And recorded it on my I phone." Ben Hughes.
"Briggo, you are like a vulture hovering above failing relationships." Andy Lea. Voice of reason.
"Nice pants Simmo." Pete Morris. (Team fashion icon.)
"Cheers, a leopard-skin thong focuses my mind." Mr. Simmo. He cost Lea £5 by showing up this week.
Serious/Business time:
White, Lea, Mitic, Grove, Simmo; Junior Green, Senior Green, Skipper Briggs, Morris; Sex pest Hughes, Bowman. Bench Eamo and Ole Dead Eyes." Focused on the job in hand - Dr Jonathan Briggs - Relationship Vulture.
"Let's try and keep 11 men on the pitch this time." Senior Green
Game
"Pretty good start notts, just need the goal." Fashionista Morris
"Good start by the rampaging right back Lea, and the better looking left back Simmo is playing rather well. Bugger." A devastated Old Dead Eyes, Old Dead Eyes, Old Dead Eyes: Dead Eyes next to me....
"Your deceptively slow run allowed you to score that crap header from 6 yards Grovey. 1-0." Mitic
"That was a fucking great finish from Hughesy. He was useless in infernos last week, but that was excellent. 2-0." Simmo
"They're playing a lot of football but not opening us up." Grove
"Top team goal. Nice finish Green Senior. You are my hero. 3-0." Green Junior.
Half time
"Keep pressing the ball." Vulture in Chief - Briggo
"I got a blow job last night and recorded it on my gold plated I phone. Does anyone want to watch? I was awesome, really awesome." Soon to be imprisoned sex pest - Ben Hughes
"I took ketamine last night and my heart is beating too hard. I'm a little scared." French full back - Matthieu Deadeyeaux
By text. "Chaps, any chance of a game next week? I'm on the bench again." Andy Richardson
2nd half
"Let's not let this slip." Voice of reason - Andy Lea
"Can we put some pressure on them at the back? They'll make a mistake and gift us one." Dean Mitic - returned to spiritual home from the 1s bench
"Told you. Well done Bowman. 4-0." A Smug Mitic some 10 seconds later"
"The jet lag is kicking in Briggo. Any chance of a breather? Maybe get Nimmo on?" Andy Lea.
"How's Nimmos heart rate? If its under 120 bpm I'll bring him on." Skipper, and relationship vulture, John Briggs.
"Sorry lads. Give me 10 minutes and I'll be with you." A very sweaty Old Dead Eyes
"That was the gayest ever leave of a ball ever Deano. Louise Spence would have loved it." Old Man Grove
"Can someone please pass me the ball?" Buy one Green, get 1 Green free.
"Lads, stop looking at Nimmos eyes and can we just notch another? Hughesy? Bowman? Let's just sort a 5th." Skipper Briggs.
"Fuck me Georgie that was an awesome goal." Team collectively
"Way better on your left foot than me Bowman. I'm really only any good at heading it. Fooking top goal. 5-0." A refreshingly honest Pete Morris
"Got to keep this clean sheet lads." Dean Mitic
"My sheets weren't clean last sunday. She was all over the place." Simmo"I kissed a girl for 14 hours this week. No sex though. Did I mention it?" Vulture Briggs
"Nimmo and Eammo you're time has come. Lea and Mozza, take a blow." Briggs the Vulture
"I got a blow last night. And I recorded it on my new I phone. Want to see it?" Sex Pest Hughes
"My heart is going to explode I think. I'm going to stay in next Friday and just have some cheese." A reflective Old Dead Eyes, Old Dead Eyes, Old Dead Eyes: Dead Eyes next to me....
"Nice finish Hughesy. You're my hero. 6-0." Everyone in the team.
"It's all over." Referee
"That was the most even 6-0 game I have ever seen." Ted Datta.
Nottsborough 2 Winchmore Hill 0 Saturday 20th November 2010
Nottsborough came into this game in confident mood on the back of an excellent second half display away at West Wickham. But with Winchmore Hill coming to the lawns of Tolworth, and Owens continuing their perfect start to the season, the pressure was on to get back to winning ways in the league, and keep up hopes of catching the runaway leaders.
‘Rafa’ Briggs had another strong squad of 14 to pick from, and sprung a surprise in the changing room by ‘resting’ himself (I am assured it had absolutely nothing to do with the 8 pints & no dinner on the Friday night – sure). With Green Jnr, and the returning Joe Holden starting alongside Briggs on the bench, there was a starting spot for young Tom in goal and Rich, after an impressive goal-scoring debut the week before, alongside Green in centre-midfield. An unchanged back 4, a re-call for Morris at left-midfield, and the same for Bowman on the right, meant that Prosser – starting his final game before setting off for a quiet couple of months in the French Alps – started alongside Hughes up front.
After a rousing team talk from Briggs & Lea, the usual ‘banter’ aimed at the inferior (opposite) sex, and several attempts to grind Nimmo’s fragile self-confidence further into the ground, Notts trotted out onto the partially frozen ‘stadium’ pitch in high spirits. The ref called the captains to attention, and despite a few minor reservations about letting the game go ahead, Green shook hands with Phil & Grant Mitchells younger, more aggressive brother, and the game was underway.
Notts immediately took control and looked the stronger in the opening exchanges – the back four of Nimmo, Lea, Grove & Eamon were virtually untroubled in the first 15-20 mins. However, with Winchmore fielding 3 central midfielders, and the wide areas resembling more of an ice rink than a football pitch, Notts were struggling to create anything of note going forward. With Briggs pacing the touchline, muttering something about it ‘having the feel of a testimonial’, the first real chance materialised. Bowman found some space on the right, and put a ball into the box - it ricocheted up into the air towards the 18-yard line, Green came charging in, and miscued a tough volley into the path of Hughes – who suffered a similar fortune. With Winchmore unable to keep hold of the ball for a prolonged period of time, the pressure was clearly mounting – and so it proved.
Once again, Bowman cut in from the right, and fed Green in space on the edge of the box. Green threaded a ball into a marked Hughes 12 yards out, Hughes turned his man smartly and drilled a shot back across goal – the ball ending up in the back of the net. Hughes will claim it, though others maintain that the last touch came off a Winchmore player – as the great Arsene Wenger has said many a time after seeing one of his own commit any number of disgusting challenges – ‘I did not see it, so cannot pass judgement’ (in a French accent). Either way, Nottsborough were 1-0 up, and their confidence was growing.
With 10 minutes of the first half remaining, Nottsborough were keen to press home their advantage, and go into the half-time break with a 2-goal cushion. Winchmore were having a little more possession in the Nottsborough half, but with Lea & Grove in imperious form, they were not creating anything of note. And so it was no surprise, when a couple of minutes later a mistake by the Winchmore left-back let Bowman in on the right-hand side. He charged through a gaping hole in the centre of their defence, before nonchalantly slotting the ball past the advancing keeper, and giving Nottsborough the 2-goal lead they craved.
Briggs metaphorically ripped up his half-time team talk, and congratulated the troops on a successful first 45. With Winchmore retreating to the warmth & safety of the changing room – no doubt to get an earful from their talismanic Mitchell brother – Notts resolutely stayed outside in the freezing temperatures, warming themselves with some team camaraderie, alongside the desire for more goals in the 2nd half.
Winchmore started with some real intent, and began to string a few passes together in the Nottsborough half. Though still never really threatening the goal, they certainly were posing more of a threat to the Nottsborough backline. A few shots were exchanged at either end, with their keeper making a couple of decent blocks, but Nottsborough were soaking up the pressure well, while remaining a threat up front with the pace of Bowman & Hughes ready to exploit any chances that came their way.
Briggs, impatient as ever on the sidelines, made a couple of changes on the 60 minute mark. Green Jnr on to replace the departing Prosser (who received a standing ovation from Briggs), and Holden on to replace Eamon - with Mozza slipping into left-back. The game continued to ebb and flow, without much in the way of ‘action’. Winchmore, pressing for a goal that would bring them right back into the game were leaving themselves exposed on the break, and chances for Green, Hughes, Bowman & Green Jnr all came and went, before tensions boiled over slightly toward the end.
Hughes got tangled up with a Winchmore defender over on the touchline, and went down – the Winchmore players refusing to admit any foul play, continued, leaving Hughes in a heap on the floor. Hughes picked himself up a few moments later, and a fairly ‘heated debate’ with said defender ensued. The final few minutes then descended into a farce – with a back-pass from Grove picked up by keeper Tom (Briggs – who had come on for a cameo performance in the last 15 in place of Green – confirming to the ref that it was indeed a back-pass, and should therefore be penalised). The ball still in his hands as the ref blew for an indirect free-kick, the younger Mitchell came barging in, and wrestled the ball from Tom’s hands – using a little more force than was entirely necessary. The ref then set about measuring 10 yards from where the ball had been placed, but appeared to be struggling a little with his angles. Helpful as ever, mathematician Bowman asked whether he was any relation to the famous Pythagoras – a jibe that flew well above many of the assembled bodies in the crammed penalty area. Nimmo and the younger Mitchell were having their own little tussle at the near post – with thoughts turning to a post-game coffee for some. When the hullabaloo had finally died down, and the free kick was permitted to go ahead, it was blocked, and subsequently cleared without too much trouble. And that was that – Nottsborough, although not at their emphatic best, had nullified a potentially threatening Winchmore, and got themselves a well deserved 3 points to re-energise their title chase.
I’ll leave you with this comment from Sir Winston Churchill:
“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
I bet he still took her home...
Man of the Match - Bowman, Hughes & Green all deserve a mention for opening up the Winchmore defence, but in a tight & scrappy affair, Andy Lea – calm & assured on the ball, with some Lucio-esque runs forward from the back gets the accolade...
West Wickham 2 Nottsborough 2 Saturday 20th November 2010
The Madness of King Grove
On the back of a comfortable 3 - 0 victory the previous week in the AFA cup, Nottsborough were in confident mood as they travelled down to Kent for what is always a difficult away fixture. Collins was unimpressed by talk of ‘poking’ on the train but besides that minor issue the squad was reading from the same page: cut out the silly mistakes, compete, and get Hughes into the game better than had been managed over the two previous weekends.
Briggs picked from a strong squad of 13 – including new addition Rich, who started on the bench with Morris who was rotated following his cup heroics. Bowman started up front with Hughes, Green jnr fitted in to right midfield and Prosser lined up for his penultimate game on the left. Once again, the back four was unchanged, with the impressive Nimmo and Eamon continuing as full backs.
The first 15 minutes were devoid of significant goalmouth action, although not devoid of passion. The tackles were flying in, with even the pacifist Prosser later claiming to have ‘weighed in with a big one’. One key battle was going on in the centre of midfield, Briggs giving everything to compete with a more experienced and calorific advisory. However, as Matt Nimmos raft of old flames can testify – size matters – and although full of heart, Briggs was struggling to win the aerial battle. About 20 minutes in, buoyed by this success, the said midfielder met a hanging ball in the box and lobbed a long distance header over stranded keeper John. Like so many previous occasions this season Notts were 1 - 0 down, and in need of the stomach to fight back.
Fortunately, this spirit was evident in abundance, and soon later, Notts had equalized – Green cutting back a skewed Grove strike and Hughes tucking in the offering for his 5th goal of the season. Notts were in the ascendency and looked strong as the half time break approached – then for 5 crazy minutes in the life of Mark Grove.
First a penalty was given which was debated but according to the referee not debatable – the forward planting his feet in the ground and Grove taking him out whilst attempting to get round him to the ball. The penalty was dispatched and Notts were 2 V 1 down. Next a bouncing ball saw Grove become entangled with the same forward in a manner synonymous with Wayne Rooney and Ricardo Carvalho back in 2006. The reaction of the Wickham players suggested that Grove had just made public his thoughts on the impending UK immigration cap – outrage – and a red card. The half time whistle was blown under a cloud.
Fortunately for Notts, Lea and Briggs (combined annual wage of £100k+) made some decent decisions at half time – under useful direction from Hughes. There was no point slipping into a 4-4-1 as Notts needed a goal. Instead the spirit of the Dambusters was harnessed though a 3-4-1-1 formation. The unlucky Bowman was sacrificed, Morris introduced into central midfield to add a little extra bite and aerial prowess, and Green snr asked to pull the strings behind Hughes up front. After an initial ten minutes of adjustment Notts started to get into the groove and it was the 11 men who were entrenched in their own half rather than the 10. Morris was competing well, Hughes was giving everything and linking up well with the Greens, Nimmo was smashing into tackles and Briggs (walking a tightrope having taken a booking for descent on behalf of Nick Green - hero) was making it all tick. Eventually, after missed chances from both Greens the equaliser was scored with approximately 15 minutes to play – Briggs drilling a low corner towards the near post and Rich – on as a substitute for Green jnr - tapping in from close range. Notts were level and pushing for the winner.....
Sadly the time ticked away. Briggs escaped a second yellow for a rash challenge and John saved a late header as Wickham hit the target for the first time in the entire half with 90 seconds remaining. 2 V 2 – an exhilarating second half performance and a great togetherness which must be demonstrated from minute one in the future – great teams are galvanised by crossing the white line, not by having a man sent off.
Man of the Match: Lea marshalled the back three brilliantly and Briggs turned in one of his best performances of the season. However, Hughes worked his nuts off and bagged a goal so the MOTM award goes his way.
Nottsborough 3 Hale End 0 AFA Cup 3rd Round Saturday 13th November 2010
The 2's AFA cup odyssey continued on Saturday with a visit from the AFC's Hale End travelling all the way from, I'm assuming, Hale End. Wherever they Haled from (sorry) there was no doubting where they arrived. Tolworth was yet again in immaculate condition with the new facilities ever more impressive. But despite this growing advantage the 2's are struggling to rediscover there once invincible home form. Performances of late have been largely very good. Good application, good on the ball, a good footballing ethos - about 90% there. Unfortunately the absent 10% is largely defined by conceding sloppy goals and squandering easy chances. Does not make for a happy home life....
But the 2's, ever buoyant, ever banterous, fielded another very strong 14 and set about obtaining the one trophy that's eluded them in recent seasons.
Now with all due respect to Hale End, one thing was clear after 15 minutes of the game, we were the better team. Better on the ball, fitter, more in control of the game. So it was just a matter of time before we turned the screw. Right? Our biggest enemy of late has been ourselves (deep). Or, to put it more accurately, the expectation and pressure we apply on ourselves. No bad thing, standards, but if that pressure, coupled with long periods of not scoring, cause friction, frustration and a loss of focus then we've got a problem.
But you would hope that a group that have played together for the time we have can evolve and learn their lessons. And Saturday was a performance marked by growing patience and persistence, if not the elusive cutting edge. So in some ways 3 goals, all from set pieces, against a side we'd expect to rout was disappointing. In others a clean sheet, a solid team performance and a good spirit were more essential.
So to the deets. There's nothing like a bloody good drink, a few days and advanced years to blur the memory of a game. However, I've been reliably informed 3 goals were scored, none conceded. Morris powered in a header from a superb briggs free kick mid way through the first half to give us the lead. Briggs then curled in a crafty free kick mid way through the second and Morris added the 3rd with another free kick, this time a pile driver the keeper couldn't stop low to his right. Other chances for Bowman and Green could have made it more emphatic but the win was convincing none the less.
To the accolades. All round solid performances against a side that never stretched us. A good run out for Green Jnr in an unfamiliar strikers role, hauled off on the hour but certainly looking competent at 2's level. Ol Dead Eyes at the back had another solid game, as did Eamonn doing an excellent cover role at left back. Briggs' delivery was superb all day and Green Snr was yet again industrious, but plaudits go to Morris with a crucial 2 goals and a level of commitment the whole team yet again should aspire to.
On a side note Briggs has asked for this quote from a Monday email debrief to be aired. On Saturday soir several were left baffled by the apparent ease and speed in which a mature South African lady consented to go and examine Lea's ceremonial spear (the good kind). This, direct from the source, is the best current guess at how this happened - “She was a total cougar and just in the mood. Either that or she has aids and is wreaking havoc on mankind”. Hopefully the former.
Team - John Andrews, Grover, Lea, Nimmo, Collins, Briggs, Green, Prosser, Morris, Green, Hughes, Ledger, Simmo, Bowman.
Nottsborough 1 Alley Old Boys 1 Saturday 6th October
On an overcast day Nottsborough produced an underwhelming performance
In the dressing room the pre-game chat was strong. The late comers were noticed but it didn’t spoil the mood. Nottsborough were ready. With a strong starting squad and M Green ready to make an appearance there was a strong buzz building.
However, from the kick-off things started to go wrong as a weak back pass by Ledger failed to get to Briggo and the opposition pounced and pulled together the first move of the game. For the first five minutes Nottsborough were all over the place but they soon began to find rhythm. Some good movement in midfield created some space for the forward and a handful of long range shots rained in, albeit without troubling the Alleyn’s keeper. Holden’s quick feet produced the first real chance of the game dancing past a couple of Alleyn players to get him-self into the box. He did well to stay on his feet (he was clearly pulled back in the area) before he slid a short ball to Hughes 8 yards from goal. With the ball slightly behind him Hughes pulled the shot up and it lifted over the bar, you already got the feeling it may be one of those days.
As the half progressed Nottsborough defended well giving the opposition little possession outside of their own half and with that pressure two more golden chances came. First N Green was slid in one on one with the goal keeper and shot low across goal. While he would have been expected himself to score the keeper did well to save the shot, the rebound causing no further worries. A couple of minutes later a near identical opportunity presented itself for Ledger. Hughes with his head up to goal heard the call and slipped the ball through for Ledger with only the keeper to beat. Again the shot was low and across goal but lacked the conviction to take it past the keeper and he managed to stick out a leg and get a decent touch. Other opportunities presented themselves from set pieces but again the killer touch was missing in front of goal.
The halftime whistle went and Alleyn Old Boys couldn’t have been more grateful. A rousing half time talk from Briggo, Lea and Morris got the boys ready for a crucial 45. The second half started well enough although with both teams reluctant to go all out a lot of football was played in the middle third of the pitch. It was from here, around 15 minutes into the second half that the first goal came. Nottsborough had lost possession just inside the opposition half and in a strong counter attaching move, and uncharacteristically without a glaring error from the home team, Alleyn Old Boys spread the ball wide before a cross was met by the opposition striker who confidently put the ball through the keepers legs from close range.
It took that goal to get Nottsborough going and pressure began to build on Alleyn. The substitution of M Green for Holden made an immediate impact. Breaking down the right M Green’s deflected cross came to Ledger at the back post. Headed down but past the post it was another chance that went begging. The Nottsborough breakthrough finally came with 20 minutes left on the clock. A long ball looped towards the Alleyns goal was won in the air by Ledger five yards outside the box. Hughes controlled the second ball well and shifted it past the standing centre back. The ball, half passed half stolen, made its way from Hughes to Ledgers just inside the box and a quick shot took the keep by surprise and was beaten at the near post.
With the game poised Nottsborough had the best of the last twenty minutes but it was not characterised by many more chances. When the final whistle came Nottsborough was still firmly pushing for the winner but time had run out. While this is considered a disappointing result Nottsborough must remember that if you keep creating chances the goals will surely come.
Unfortunately on this Saturday the winners turned up a little late in the day, looking like di*kheads.
Man of the Match goes to Lea for being a rock all game, the back four in general deserve the credit. Well...it wasn’t going to anyone in the front six was it?
Nottsborough 2 Icarus 1 (AET) AFA CUP Saturday October 30th 2010
The re-appearance of ‘Ian’
90 minutes before kick-off, Icarus, the RAF outfit, took a stroll across the lush Tolworth surface. The ties were straight, the shirts were coordinated, the chinos were lush, there was no doubt that Icarus would be well drilled, strong and disciplined.
Nottsborough themselves approached the game on a high. Buoyed by a fine result the week before and with a squad brimming with quality the atmosphere in the dressing room was electric. It took skipper Briggs back to a time in 2001 when, accompanied by his brother, he spent an evening in downtown Bangkok, singing Robbie Willaims hits to strays and street workers before massively letting himself down. He dispelled the thought from his mind and whispered to Bowman – “no more mistakes Barry – today we do things properly”.
Housewives favourite – Simmo – was sadly unable to get across London in time for kick off meaning that Briggs selected from an initial squad of 13. White took up his usual position in nets, with Nimmo right back, Lea and Grove in the centre of defence and Eamon slipping in at left back. Holden started the game on the right hand side of midfield, with Morris and Briggs operating in the centre and Bowman on the left. Ledger and Hughes were selected up front with Green, Prosser and Simmo starting on the bench.
Nottsborough started the game exceedingly well. Pressing the opposition high up the field and selecting the correct pass over the glory ball on almost every occasion. It seemed like only a matter of time until the opening goal would be scored. Sadly, this prediction did not materialise, as Nottsborough were frustrated by a combination of good defending, profligacy in front of goal and bad luck. Hughes had the best of the opportunities, failing to convert a couple of headed half chances and hitting the outside of the post with a rasping free-kick.
As half time approached Icarus looked at their most threatening – a central midfielder pouncing on a defensive header to drill a shot on target, but into the safe grasp of White’s huge strong hands. The half time whistle blew and the message was simple – keep doing the same things and the breakthrough will come in no time.
So did it? Not really no.
As the half progressed Nottsborough continued to turn the screw - the additions of Prosser and Green adding an extra dimension to their forages into the oppositions final third. Somehow though the Icarus goal continued to lead a charmed life. First Bowman, then Green, and then once again Hughes hit the woodwork – one wondered whether it would be one of those days. With 15 minutes to go Nottsborough got a final injection of energy. Simmo had clearly been working out on the journey over as he had taken on the appearance of ‘Ian’ – a brute of a man with the engine of an fighter jet and the physique of a greek god. Simmo took the game by the scruff of the neck as wave after wave of Nottsborough attack pummelled the Icarus defensive line.
On 80 minutes the breakthrough finally came. Hughes burst from near half way to carry the ball towards goal before opening his body out and dispatching his shot into the top corner. Game over? Again no. A lofted ball into the Notts area two minutes later saw the colossal Grove miss out to an Icarus midfielder before the flick was pounced upon by the forward who fired into the net. The only piece if indecision the superb back four - marshalled brilliantly by Lea – had showed all day, but sadly it pushed the game into extra time.
Again Nottsborough stuck to the game plan and after 117 minutes the final breakthrough came. Green skipped past one in the box only to get tripped before he could pull the trigger. Briggs grabbed the ball – the most gifted player ever to get released by Oldham Athletic, Bradford City and Huddersfield Town (all within 24 months) had the opportunity to exorcise the ghosts of his epic yet tragic past. He slipped the ball in the corner to the obvious delight of his team mates. Nottsborough were through – and hopefully a long and successful cup run is underway.
Man of the Match – Lea, Grove and Nimmo all played very well but the professional and industrious Collins takes the accolade.
Carshalton 1 Nottsborough Reserves 3 Saturday October 23rd 2010
As the clouds ominously gathered around a damp Carlshalton, the Nottsborough spitfires touched down, led by Matt "Biggles" Nimmo, donning the latest in winter outerwear abominations. Notts were still smarting from defeat last week at home to fellow title contenders Old Owens and there was a tangible air of determination in the changing room. The 2s squad was bolstered this week by the return of Tom White in goal and Ben Hughes to his spiritual home, whilst Mark Grove fitted back in at centre back alongside Lea. The juxtaposing styles of Nimmo and Simmo complimented the left and right back berths respectively. Holden came in at right mid, whilst Owen Prosser added width on the left and support for Rob Ledger and Ben Hughes upfront. The midfield pairing of Eamon and Morris was tailor-made to cope with the predictably physical opposition. With a very strong bench of Captain Briggs, Paul Roger and Barry Bowman, this was undoubtedly the strongest 14 we have been able to field so far this term.
The game started in frantic fashion on a pretty good playing surface with both teams failing to get a real hold on possession in the opening 15 minutes. Notts were looking solid however until the spectre of last weeks defensive circus act resurfaced on 15 minutes. A moment of the purest form of insanity saw Nimmo despatch a point-blank throw-on firmly into the face of a bewildered mark Grove and off for a Carshalton throw. With the defence all at sea, the quickly taken lob found its way into the Nottsborough 6 yard box where Tom White failed to gather the ball at the feet at the marauding opposing striker, who toe poked in for an early lead.
From here Nottsborough started to find their feet and gain a tighter hold on possession. Morris and Eamo started to win the midfield tussle, whilst Nimmo, Simmo, Prosser and Holden advanced well down the flanks without yet finding the telling final ball. Hughes and Ledger up front linked up well, with Hughes finding a few gaps in the defence and feeding off Ledger's aerial domination. Holden, was looking back to his old self with a great first touch and good ball retention but Notts failed to find the opening until 15 minutes to go in the first half. Lea, pressing high up the pitch won a vital challenge which ricocheted through into the path of Ledger who burst into the box. Although Ledger's shot was well parried by the on-rushing keeper, the ball fell kindly to Hughes who whipped in the rebound to equalise. This provided the catalyst for change and Notts rallied into half time and were unlucky to go in level-pegging. A Hughes free-kick whistled inches wide, whilst Prosser's delightful curling effort had the scrambling goal-keeper beaten but relieved as it dropped just wide of the mark. A clever through ball from Ledger found Hughes in the final minutes of the half but his reversed shot clipped the outside of the far post and rolled wide. Notts came in at half time very much in the ascendency.
Despite looking well -beaten going into the interval, Carshalton came out all guns blazing for the second half. With the exception of a few early flurries, Nottsborough spent most of the next 30 minutes camped in their own half. To their full credit however, the defence stood strong and repelled the Carlshalton onslaught excellently. Rocher replaced the industrious Simmo, who needed to save some energy for his evening pesting exploits, and used the ball well. Nimmo put in some crunching challenges and Lea and Grove proved unsurpassable whilst White's kicking was superb.
The introduction of Briggs and Bowman into midfield injected a new lease of life and both impacted the game, swinging the balance of play Nottsborough's way, but the game needed a spark. That came in the 80th minute with a moment of pure magic from Rob Ledger. Hughes having lost his marker got the ball down and played in Ledger who advanced towards the right hand side corner of the penalty box, where the powerful front man unleashed a ferocious drive which was destined for glory from the moment it left his foot. Still accelerating the ball crashed against the inside of the far post and into the opposite corner of the net to Nottsborough's delight. A phenomenal strike!
From here Notts tightened up and retained possession superbly and this led to further chances, one of which resulting in a third goal and a guaranteed 3 points. With four minutes left on the clock Ledger broke away down the right and cut a low ball back to the far post. Hughes' first touch took him across the last defender and his Cruyff-turn left him in knots allowing that extra yard to fire a left foot effort into the roof of the net. Game, set and match. As the seconds ticked away Hughes could have made the scoreline even more flattering but his close range effort crashed against the bar following a slip up in the home defence.
All in all a very good day at the office for a Nottsborough side that could really push for top honours this season.
Nottsborough: White, Sims, Grove, Lea, Nimmo, Eamon, Morris, Prosser, Holden, Ledger, Lea – Subs Briggs, Rocher, Bowman
Man of the Match – For that amazing strike, and overall superb work-rate, it has to be Ledger. Although Hughes pushed him close.
Nottsborough Res 1 Old Owens Res 3 Saturday October 16th 2010
“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes” Oscar Wilde
The pristine pastures of Tolworth were described as “better than a semi pro surface” by new acquisition Simmo although unfortunately Andy Rich was unavailable for independent adjudication. With Simmo’s copious prowess and ability Ill take his word for it (More of that later).
Old Owens started their season with a 100% record and from the outset it was clear they would provide a much sterner challenge than the depleted ranks of Old Actonions by their preparation and approach.
The game commenced at a tempo indicative of two committed sides which saw some over zealous lunging challenges on Ledger and Simmo that would have had the absent Mark Grove screaming “Pot kettle black” with adrenaline levels not seen since Nottsboroughs unofficial balaeric tour that coincided with Andy Lea’s 30th birthday.
From a resultant free kick Nottsborough’s answer to an incestuously conceived Colin Farrell whipped in a delightful free kick met by Nottsborough’s answer to Zac Efron for a well placed header giving Notts a 1-0 lead. A Brave goal from Morris who was one of the only Notts players to emerge with credibility. Nottsborough were unlucky not to increase their lead after a good Nimmo header from a Briggs corner was tipped over by the Owens stopper. Why is there such an inverse correlation between aerial ability and attractiveness? Lea obviously an anomaly.
The goal sprang Owens into life and after counter attacks which saw decent tackles from Collins, Green and Nimmo an uncharacteristic Nottsborough failed to apply significant pressure which allowed a flighted cross to deceive Rocher and new GK Tom Bennett who were caught loitering in the corridor of uncertainty. Nevertheless a competent finish from the Owens outside left.
Owens doubled their tally in the second half after some goalkeeping 16 year old Tom Bennett would have been disappointed with; however Tom’s blushes were spared by a defence that did not afford enough protection and which subsequently handed the game to Owens after a calamitous mix up between Rocher and Nimmo that allowed an Owens team so dangerous on the break to capitalise ruthlessly.
Trailing 1-3 at home the enigmatic Jo Holden was brought into proceedings for the injured Simmo. Joe Holden is without doubt one of Nottsborough’s most naturally gifted footballers in the same category as Vilo, Stavros et al. However it appears Jo may have sealed a merger and acquisition deal with a Voldomort death eater on this 20 minute cameo display.
Good competing and pressure high up the pitch forced the Owens full back into a clumsy header towards his own goal which was excellently cleared from the goal line. A couple of chances went awry from a Green shot he should have done better with and a Ledger header however Notts failed to create any clear cut chances that opened up the Owens defence.
In summary if you only score the one at home and relinquish defensive solidarity through individual error possibly precipitated by ill disciplined pursuits on a Friday evening then you deserve defeat. Nottsborough’s impressive home record has been tarnished by a painful defeat which saw our reputation as poor losers further augmented by criticism levelled at a disappointing refereeing performance which infuriated both teams. I could still hear his whistle punctuating the pounding atmosphere of Artesian Wells as Simmo found solace with the most attractive girl in the venue ... and he’s good in the air!
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall” Confucius
Team:
Bennett, Rocher, Nimmo, Simmo, Lea, Collins, Morris, Briggs, Green, Ledger, Prosser. Subs Holden
Man of the Match – The man in black made the game his own
Old Actonians 2 Nottsborough 5 Saturday October 2nd 2010
Although the league table suggested otherwise, Nottsborough were old and wise enough to know that an away game at Actonians, last year’s comprehensive league winners, would not be an easy task. Or so one would think... An hour before kick off a troupe of Associate Directors, (including the Arsene Wenger of pipedreams Andy Richardson), and squad members entered the changing room. One of the group had dead eyes. This was Matt Nimmo. An ever present so far this season and one of the most consistent high performers, Matt had chosen to follow his heart at the Roadhouse rather than his dream of winning his first ever individual accolade - Player of the Season.
A message to all from the liberal coach: the future has not been written yet.
Acrimony aside – Nottsborough started the match with their strongest squad this season – with Hughes starting up front with Ledger – and the experienced defensive pairing of Grove and Lea maintained. Nottsborough also welcomed newcomer Simmo and the experienced and affable Holden to the bench.
The first 15 minutes were played at a slow pace by Notts as they struggled to counter Actonians good use of the ball. No chances came of the pressure, however, and it was not long before the Actonian defence got a first taste of who was to become their tormentor for the whole afternoon. Ben Hughes, a player who has failed to nail down a starting line up with the first team due to an embarrassment of riches for Sutty in that department was pumped and primed for action. Time and time again he received good service into the channels from Tom Rocher or a midfield player, turned the defenders one way and another before delivering a devilish cross or powerful finish. This is how the first goal came midway through the first half, Hughes skinning a couple of defenders before crossing deep to the advancing Morris to tap in. 1V0 and well deserved.
The second came soon after. This time Hughes powered past 4 defenders before neatly chipping passed the advancing keeper, leaving the majority of the squad drooling (metaphorically speaking). Matt Nimmo.... (too easy). The Actonians keeper still had time to pull off two spectacular saves before half time from Hughes and the industrial Ledger – in truth 4V0 would not have flattered Nottsborough when the whistle blew.
At half time Briggs made a change and threw on Simmo for Nimmo. Like for like - naaatttttt! After a slow start to the half it was the home side that struck first. An uncharacteristic lapse from keeper White allowing a cross to reach the backpost where an advancing forward gobbled up the invitation. Encouragingly for Nottsborough the response was swift and incisive. First Ledger tapping in a Holden (on for Eamon) miss kick, before Holden himself and spectacularly Simmo made it four and five respectively. There was time for one more Actonians goal but all in all a great day for a Nottsborough team hungry to avenge last season’s runners up place.
Team:
White, Rocher, Nimmo, Grove, Lea, Briggs, Collins, Morris, Briggs, Green, Ledger, Hughes. Subs Holden, Simpson.
Man of the Match – It simply has to be Hughes, who it must be stated, was brilliantly partnered by Ledger.
Nottsborough 0 Norseman 0 Saturday October 2nd 2010
It has been customary in recent years for the team promoted from the intermediate Division B as champions to challenge for the title and so Nottsborough were keen to continue their strong start to the season in what may prove to be a 6-pointer. Conditions were perfect and the return of Ted Datta – even as a non-playing substitute provided further encouragement before kick-off.
The first half proved frustrating for Nottsborough, however, as Norseman competed for every ball and chances were hard to come by. The slick surface which should have played host to some creative play unfortunately proved the downfall of both teams as possession was very hard to maintain on the slick surface – Grover’s signature punt down the channel proving irretrievable even for the pacey Prosser who applied himself superbly throughout. Pete Morris was the man causing the most problems during the first half as his industry allowed him to broach the space between the midfield and forwards. Unfortunately his shots from the edge of the box narrowly missed the target and the front men were unable to capitalise on his flicked headers when they perhaps should have. In fairness to the opposition their work-rate tempered our attacking moves and they in turn put pressure on our defence. Across the back-line, however, every member deserves praise for their dogged and skilled resilience as if truth be told, it was a half in which opportunities were rarely threatened.
The second half proved to be more eventful as the game became stretched but like in the first half, the Nottsoborough defence remained resolute and most of the notable chances were fashioned by the home team. Indeed, early in the second-half, a long kick from White was beautifully weighted so as to avoid all of the midfielders and land in the path of Bowman. Beating one man to the ball he then squared the ball for Prosser who was unlucky in laying the ball just feet ahead of the marauding Collins who would have had an easy tap-in.
In the centre of the pitch Green’s tidy use of the ball and the work-rate of Johnny Briggs helped Nottsborough to remain in the ascendancy. The set-pieces of Briggs also provided a threat – as they have in recent weeks – but the decisive finish proved elusive.
The highlight of the came occurred after a bouncing through ball skidded fortuitously off the turf and landed straight into the path of Bowman who after taking a touch was capsized by the goalkeeper. It was clearly a penalty, obvious like the fact that birds can fly, pigs can’t or that Prosser, in one or two years, will be indistinguishable from Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. The opposition goalkeeper, however, disputed the call in a noble and coherent manner. The verdict: penalty and yellow-card. Up-stepped Nick Green stepped up claiming to have never previously missed a penalty. This assertion, however, proved to be of as little truth as the claim of Johnny Briggs to have slept with at least six women who neither have 3 digit BMI’s nor are blood relations. The penalty was well-saved and followed by a mix of rash tackles and argument from both teams with further cautions being handed out. The game finished goalless and despite a few chances arising in the latter half the ‘unspeakable dearth of quality’*left particular members of the crowd/squad regretting their choice of date to make a comeback.
In short: minus a converted corner or a penalty, it was a typical Nottsborough 2’s performance.
*Words of Ted Datta
Man of the Match: Andy Lea – a very composed performance on his return to the 2s as part of a defence that always looked in control. Special mentions go to Eamonn Collins who put in another great shift on the RHS (and late on also in central midfield) and Matthew Nimmo at left full-back.
Nottsborough 2 Civil Service 1 September 18th 2010
Pretty boys prove they can win ugly
Over the past two seasons much of Nottsborough’s success has been built around a strong home record, with Actonians the only team in 2010 to have thus far escaped from Fortress Tolworth with even a point.
After a tough opener away to Winchmore Hill, the first home game of the season was no less challenging with Civil Service the visitors. The last team to defeat Nottsborough in the league always make life difficult and with a string of absentees (White, Webb, Holden, Green, Datta and McEwan to name but six), Nottsborough knew they were in for a tough game.
Captain Briggs made the first big call of his reign by keeping Mitic and Nimmo in the heart of defence with the returning Grove starting in an unfamiliar left-back position. With Grove and Morris combining down the left it’s fair to say few tackles or headers were lost although ‘nul points’ were awarded for aesthetics.
In a below-par opening Nottsborough struggled to impose themselves in the game with the Civil Service players appearing hungrier and sharper in the tackle. With the backline struggling as a unit and the midfield being overpowered, Nottsborough soon found themselves a goal behind for the second consecutive week.
After a clever short corner Briggs sprinted to close down the cross only to see the ball ricochet of his arm. The referee awarded a penalty and the Civil striker duly stuck it away for a well-deserved opener. Stung by that opening salvo and with strong words from Briggs, Grove and Morris ringing in their ears, the Nottsborough side gradually began to waken up and compete, with Mitic and Grove leading the way from the back.
In the closing period of the first half Prosser did well to force a corner down the right and from the resulting set-piece Bowman was manhandled in the box allowing Morris the opportunity to equalise with a well-taken penalty.
Strong words at half-time saw Nottsborough continue to build on the positive momentum with the midfield four of Prosser, Collins, Briggs and Morris finally starting to provide some decent service to the front pairing of Bowman and Ledger. On the hour mark another clumsy challenge in the area on Bowman saw Nottsborough presented with a golden opportunity to hammer home the advantage. Once more Morris stepped up to the plate although on this occasion his effort can be best described as Waddle-esque as the ball sailed over the bar and out of Tolworth.
This miss fortified a Civil Service team and knocked Nottsborough out of their stride once more resulting in a scrappy final thirty minutes where only keeper Mitch and forward Ledger performed to their ability. Substitutes Kennedy and James came on to add much-needed impetus and energy to the side, but in truth composure on the ball was lacking with many passes continuing to go astray.
If a touch of quality was lacking, no question marks could be placed against Nottsborough’s determination and attitude, and it was this steely resolve that saw Brigg’s boys carry on and steal three points in the closing stages. After a wonderful solo run from the half-way line, Ledger forced a terrific stop from the Civil keeper and from the resulting corner Briggs produced a magnificent delivery that Morris nodded in from two yards to make amends for his earlier miss.
Some superb goalkeeping from Mitch in the closing stages allowed Nottsborough to hold on for a dogged 2-1 victory that keeps them top of the table after two games played.
Whilst the team rightly picked up platitudes for a good performance last week, this victory was no less significant. Indeed the ability to win ugly when so many players only reach 6/10 is often what separates winners from nearly men. With twenty games still to play, it’s too early to judge how important this win will ultimately be but at this stage of the season, and with so many players out, points on the board are all that matters.
MOTM: Ledger – excellent hold up play throughout, his work-rate and attitude set the example for Nottsborough as they dragged themselves back into a game they could easily have lost.
Winchmore Hill 1 Nottsborough 4 Saturday 11th September 2010
A brave new dawn?
Nottsborough’s Second team travelled to the delightful surrounds of Tottenham Hale for a tough opening fixture to the 2010-11 season; away at Winchmore Hill. The squad that finished the previous season as cup winners and close runners-up in the SAL Intermediate League 1 had witnessed a number of changes in both personnel and roles over the summer, most notably Pete Morris stepping down as captain after a highly successful reign with the straight-man / less-straight-man combo of Danny Mac and Briggo stepping into the breach.
To say the preparation for the first game of the season way less than ideal could be considered a massive understatement. Both the new captain and vice captain were unavailable for differing reasons (one selected for first team football, one working to fulfil the heroin chic prophecy his body has been purporting for years, while dressed as Maggie Thatcher in a muddy field ). With defensive stalwarts Grove and Lea also absent, Nottsborough had to shuffle their pack but still arrived with a quality-laden 13 for the all-important start to the eight-month trail to regaining their trophy.
Notts, in their favoured home strip, started in confident style with Mitic and Rocher slotting into the back four and continuing their good form from the all-conquering 3s side of last year. The 2s had lined up with White in goal and Nimmo – looking trim from an Ibiza disco crash diet – and Morris making up a strong defensive unit.
The Reds had the better of the opening exchanges, controlling the play through a familiar midfield four of Prosser, Green, Phandis and last year’s Player of the Year Collins. Notts had early joy down the right with Collins and Rocher combining well to get balls in the box to front men Bowman and league debutant Ledger.
However, despite the bright start the 2s found themselves behind around the half-hour mark. Some sloppy defending in the final third allowed too much time for the Winchmore left winger who swung a low ball into the Notts’ box. A fortunate bounce saw the ball drop between two Notts defenders for the Winchmore attacker to produce a flicked finish just past a sprawling White.
Not disheartened, the 2s set about the task of overcoming the deficit but soon had White to thank for not being further behind as the big man showed his worth with some superb saves, notably a close range header flicked around a post in Banks-esque fashion. Then just as they needed it, the required fillip for the 2s came from the irrepressible Bowman. The club’s biggest auto-critic could count himself slightly fortunate not to have been called up for handball in the build up, but wasted no time in dinking a bouncing through ball over an onrushing keeper to level proceedings at 1-1.
Shortly after ‘Bazza’ was back with an even finer finish on his left foot. From the corner of the box Bowman’s arrow-like finish, following good work down the left from Morris and Prosser, left the Winchmore keeper and team stunned.
Notts came out for the second half with the knowledge that a clean sheet in the next 45 minutes would see them record their maiden victory of the season. However, not only did they manage that, they recorded two further goals and send out a statement of intent to the rest of the league. The third came from that man ‘Bazza’ again. In a similar fashion to his opener, an advancing keeper was left stranded by a precise dink that nestled in the back of the net to give Notts a two-goal cushion. Captain for the day Greene and old head Morris then freshened things up, bringing on Matt Greene in midfield and Alex ‘Giggsy’ Gardner up top. Both made significant contributions with Green linking up well down the right and Giggsy proving a handful in attack. It was indeed Giggs who crowned the day for Notts with a fourth goal following a slaloming run from right back Rocher. Notts held on conformably, although a lack of match fitness contributed to a disappointing inability to hang on to the ball towards the end, but in truth was the game was won by that stage.
Tougher tests surely await but make no mistake; this was a very good performance and a great result, especially in light of Old Actionians’ opening day slip up. In summary: like a young maiden’s special day, it was a tale of something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue for the Notts 2s; the old guard such as Morris, White et al combined well with new boys Mitic, Rocher and Ledger, the borrowed talent of Phandis, Giggsy and Green (Jnr) acquitted themselves extremely well. And as for the ‘blue’, well, unfortunately the Tories’ new poster boy preferred to be face down in a pile of his own sick on the Isle of Wight than leading ‘his’ team into their brave new dawn.
MoM: The Bowman Show - a hat-trick is always hard to ignore but the two superbly executed strikes in the first half were so timely and put Notts firmly in control.
Team: White, Morris, Mitic, Nimmo, Rocher, Prosser, Phandis (Green M), Green N, Collins, Ledger (Gardner), Bowman
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